So I believe there are two lessons that God wants me to learn: prayer and God-reliance.
It's as if He's been urging me to embrace these two things over the past few days. I, like many people I'm assuming, am guilty of not praying as often as I should as well as trying to rely on my own strength or working towards my own glory rather than God's. Let me tell you: doing this can only disappoint you.
I think the time I started realizing what I was doing was this past Sunday. My friend Ryan preached a sermon about letting God's glory shine through our weaknesses. Now, I've been a Christian all my life. I've heard this concept before and frankly, I agree with what it's talking about. But that doesn't mean I'm necessarily good at following that principle. In fact, I hadn't been following that principle recently. That realization hit me like a train.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out which way to go. I'm going for a degree in Integrated Multimedia. But this is a very broad field. It encompasses art, graphic design, music, audio engineering, film making, screenwriting, web design, photography, animation, and things along those lines. With so many different things to choose from, how can I know what I should be doing? This is a very uncertain part of my future.
Along with that, I know I want to attend Evergreen State College starting in Fall 2010. I would very much like to do this without loans, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to take one out. It costs around $17,000 a year to go if I live on-campus.
And in general, I've just been feeling like I've been trying to do things myself. Like trying to figure it all out with my own (admittedly lacking) mind. I want to do a lot of things. I'd love to write songs and record an EP sometime. I'd love to write screenplays and novels and all those cool things. Maybe making storyboards would be a good way to use what skill I have in art. But at the same time, all of these goals feel so far off like clouds in the sky, unreachable by my human hands.
All of this, without God in the mix, makes me feel crappy and negative, like there's no way I'll ever be able to do anything successfully. I also fear what would happen if I don't focus on God, which was why the sermon Ryan preached on Sunday hit me so hard; I was looking to my own success rather than God's glory, but I was having a hard time shifting my focus.
So today on my lunch break, I was reading chapter seven of a book called In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. It's a book about seizing God-ordained opportunities. Taking risks. Sounds like it would be applicable in this situation, wouldn't it? Well, it was going into my mind but it wasn't entirely convincing me.
That is, it wasn't until I came to the section about living in prayer mode. Batterson was talking about how people in prayer mode can see further than others can see and catch things others don't catch. Along with this, a previous chapter talked more about prayer, about how when we turn to God, but don't know what to actually say with words, God still hears us. Our groans, screams, and sighs are prayers as long as we come to God with them. This went into my mind and stayed because, not only are there times when I don't know what to say when I pray, but I already knew I hadn't been praying as often as I should be, nor truly turning to God for answers.
After reading this chapter I decided that, on my next break, I was going to start prayer-walking again. It's something I used to do on my breaks until my left foot started seriously hurting to walk on for too long. But now that my foot is healed I can do it. I just haven't been. So I went on my prayer-walk and lay the thoughts that weighed on me before God. I also asked Him to reveal the way, His way, to me, and to give me the strength and courage to take that path when I see it, even if it seems uncertain. I honestly, truly meant every word I said to Him. And, for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of peace. I knew in my heart that God was going to reveal His plans to me, and that those plans will be clear when it's time for me to follow. Whether or not they involve Evergreen, they will be revealed. And to be honest, they'll probably, meaning most likely, be difficult to follow, but it'll be so very worth it to do so.
So here I am at 12:48 in the morning, writing to what readers I have out in the blogosphere. I'm going to sound like a cheesy kids story when I say this, but the moral of the story (yes) lies in Proverbs 3:5-6.
It's as if He's been urging me to embrace these two things over the past few days. I, like many people I'm assuming, am guilty of not praying as often as I should as well as trying to rely on my own strength or working towards my own glory rather than God's. Let me tell you: doing this can only disappoint you.
I think the time I started realizing what I was doing was this past Sunday. My friend Ryan preached a sermon about letting God's glory shine through our weaknesses. Now, I've been a Christian all my life. I've heard this concept before and frankly, I agree with what it's talking about. But that doesn't mean I'm necessarily good at following that principle. In fact, I hadn't been following that principle recently. That realization hit me like a train.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out which way to go. I'm going for a degree in Integrated Multimedia. But this is a very broad field. It encompasses art, graphic design, music, audio engineering, film making, screenwriting, web design, photography, animation, and things along those lines. With so many different things to choose from, how can I know what I should be doing? This is a very uncertain part of my future.
Along with that, I know I want to attend Evergreen State College starting in Fall 2010. I would very much like to do this without loans, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to take one out. It costs around $17,000 a year to go if I live on-campus.
And in general, I've just been feeling like I've been trying to do things myself. Like trying to figure it all out with my own (admittedly lacking) mind. I want to do a lot of things. I'd love to write songs and record an EP sometime. I'd love to write screenplays and novels and all those cool things. Maybe making storyboards would be a good way to use what skill I have in art. But at the same time, all of these goals feel so far off like clouds in the sky, unreachable by my human hands.
All of this, without God in the mix, makes me feel crappy and negative, like there's no way I'll ever be able to do anything successfully. I also fear what would happen if I don't focus on God, which was why the sermon Ryan preached on Sunday hit me so hard; I was looking to my own success rather than God's glory, but I was having a hard time shifting my focus.
So today on my lunch break, I was reading chapter seven of a book called In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. It's a book about seizing God-ordained opportunities. Taking risks. Sounds like it would be applicable in this situation, wouldn't it? Well, it was going into my mind but it wasn't entirely convincing me.
That is, it wasn't until I came to the section about living in prayer mode. Batterson was talking about how people in prayer mode can see further than others can see and catch things others don't catch. Along with this, a previous chapter talked more about prayer, about how when we turn to God, but don't know what to actually say with words, God still hears us. Our groans, screams, and sighs are prayers as long as we come to God with them. This went into my mind and stayed because, not only are there times when I don't know what to say when I pray, but I already knew I hadn't been praying as often as I should be, nor truly turning to God for answers.
After reading this chapter I decided that, on my next break, I was going to start prayer-walking again. It's something I used to do on my breaks until my left foot started seriously hurting to walk on for too long. But now that my foot is healed I can do it. I just haven't been. So I went on my prayer-walk and lay the thoughts that weighed on me before God. I also asked Him to reveal the way, His way, to me, and to give me the strength and courage to take that path when I see it, even if it seems uncertain. I honestly, truly meant every word I said to Him. And, for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of peace. I knew in my heart that God was going to reveal His plans to me, and that those plans will be clear when it's time for me to follow. Whether or not they involve Evergreen, they will be revealed. And to be honest, they'll probably, meaning most likely, be difficult to follow, but it'll be so very worth it to do so.
So here I am at 12:48 in the morning, writing to what readers I have out in the blogosphere. I'm going to sound like a cheesy kids story when I say this, but the moral of the story (yes) lies in Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.NIVWhen we truly, honestly lay our concerns before God, and are really fully willing to submit to Him, we can feel a sense of peace because we know the answers will come. They may not come immediately, but we can rest assured that they will come on God's timing, which is the best timing. It's a lesson I've been learning since mid-May and will continue to learn for the rest of my life.
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