When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
When the band and I were playing "Before the Throne of God Above" during church today, I realized that this verse in the song practically describes me.
I'm one of those kinds of people who has a hard time with guilt and shame. When I've sinned and I know it, when I hurt people, I get very down on myself. I beat myself up, call myself horrible names while looking in the mirror...it's not pretty. I've had this problem as long as I can remember. I've only recently realized that it was Satan getting at me and prodding me in all my weak points, telling me that I can never be redeemed, I can't amount to anything, etc. Thinking about this causes me incredible and deep despair.
But lately I've realized that the problems and struggles that I have are indicators of how much I need God. I, apart from God, am an irredeemable, wretched sinner. I've also learned that, despite how wretched a man I am, God saw fit to save me by the power of His Gospel. Jesus' death and resurrection have brought me to life and have changed me far more than I'll ever know. When I add this thought to what I said earlier, what I feel is not despair, but joy. God has redeemed me! He saves me every day and is sanctifying me! Why me of all people? I don't deserve it any more than anyone else.
Sometimes delving into theology can have great results.
AMEN!
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