Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Cheesy Jazz Numbers

In my previous blog about relationships, I came as one who was skeptical about them. Skeptical as to whether I was ever going to be in one, skeptical as to if girls could like a guy like me, skeptical as to whether I was ready for one or not, and skeptical as to whether I was even the kind of person who could be in one in the first place.

This time I come as one who is in one. Big difference it is.

For those who don't know, I recently began a relationship with Sarrah. Yeah, the same Sarrah who comments my blog stuffs. Shortly after this, I started searching for any and all forms of advice I could get. Not from worldly people or sources, mind you, but from the Christian perspective. Having never actually been in a real relationship, I was and still am clueless. I have friends who just seem to be doing it right. What exactly is that thing, that big mystery of a concept? There's only one real thing I can figure, based on everything I've seen and heard so far. God has to be involved. He absolutely has to be involved for a real, loving, Godly relationship to not only work, but to result from a pursuit.

Joey gave me the advice of living out Ephesians 5:25.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (NIV)
Which means that, just as Jesus sacrificed Himself for the church, men, too, are called to sacrifice for their wives. It's big, and so very true.

I also got a text from my best friend, Nicole, about it.
You may already know this but God has to be the center of your relationship, having Bible studies and praying and with every decision you two make consult Him first and every decision you make involving her (like if you were to buy her something or whatnot) you must involve Him. This relationship has to glorify God and that's the only way it will work. :) have faith!!
Not only this, but I've seen the strangest things going on that I'm pretty sure were God things, which only convinces me more that He has to be involved in a relationship somehow.

This whole thing started with a poem. As cheesy as that sounds, it did. Sarrah wrote this poem that she had written about a night we hung out before her goodbye party. She told me she heard this little voice one night telling her to send it to me. So she did, not really expecting anything to happen other than for me to say it was an awesome poem. It wasn't sappy or anything really. It was more just her thoughts about the night. But I, misreading it entirely, took it as an "I like you" confession and replied with my own hastily thrown together attempt at an excuse for a poem before directly telling her I liked her.

The next day after work and school my Mom tells me something. My sister's piano teacher's daughter had recently broken up with her boyfriend. Her mom sent my Mom an e-mail asking about me, saying that I seemed like the kind of guy who would be willing to swoop in and save the day. I think our mothers' ultimate goal was to get me to be her prom date. Had the events of the previous night not ensued, I may have said yes...maybe. I am generally not inclined to go on blind dates. I told my Mom about what happened the night before at that moment because if I simply said no, she would have tried to convince me otherwise. No one had any way of knowing what had happened the night before.

Another time, a month later, the most interesting thing happened. I was sitting in the living room alone and I was hit with the sudden urge to pray. So I did. I prayed about what was on my heart, saying that it was all in God's hands. I even said to Him that I was afraid of the result and asked for the courage to accept whatever happened.

Two minutes later I got a call. And I knew who it was before I even answered: Andrew. My friend, Sarrah's ex, and the one person who I was worried about in this whole thing. So I told him, simply wanting him to hear it from me. And he told me not to worry about it. This was only two minutes after that prayer.

I realized right then and there that God absolutely and totally HAS to be involved in a relationship for it to work. And I mean really, truly work, not the excuse for working that the world gives us.

What's also interesting about the whole thing is that, when I first got this poem, I wasn't even thinking about relationships, or being in one really. I did like Sarrah, but we hadn't talked in ages and I think I had convinced myself it could never happen and just gone on with my life. Not only that, I didn't think I was ready. Now here I am, a month later, in a relationship. Do I feel ready? Sort of, but at the same time sort of not. Does that necessarily mean I'm not? No it doesn't. If God knows I can do it, He's gonna put me there and prove to me that I can. With His help, obviously.

Am I jumping ahead of myself? Not at all. I know full well that I've only been in a relationship for a week and that I have no idea if it's going to work or not at this point. Nor do I claim to suddenly have become an expert on relationships because I am the absolute farthest thing from that. That is not what this blog is about. It's about my conviction and realization that God has to be involved in such things. I guess it's sort of an update from my last post about relationships. You'd think I would have known this and I did, but it really processed in my mind over the past month. And maybe the fact that I've realized that, combined with a willingness to give it to God, means I am ready.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

A Quote for You All

I am humble enough to know I can't do anything without God, but confident enough to know I can do anything with Him.
- Adam Rodriguez, 5/23/2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Flight of a Dreamer

This is something I originally wrote last summer, then revised in December. And no, it is not a suicide thing. Enjoy.


He constantly felt trapped in this monotonous world. Every day he would go through the same routine: get up, go to work, go home, sleep. He was an artist; his imagination and creativity constantly cried for a release from the sameness of a world that had ensnared him.

That was why he had driven out here today.

He stood at the edge of the cliffs outside the city, gazing at the blazing orange sunrise that set the sky on fire. The clouds above looked ominously dark as if they were trying to keep him away, and yet they seemed to call to him. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, spread his arms wide, and took a step off the edge.

There was no hesitation, no reluctance. This was what he wanted. He wanted to be free. He wanted nothing less than to leave his chains behind him.

And so he slowly began to ascend.

He refused to look down at the world, for it was still far too close. He feared that if he looked back, it would reach out and grab him, ensnaring him in the binds of normalcy he was trying so hard to escape. He ascended faster now. The cool wind blew against his face as he opened his eyes, wishing to see his new world.

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The sun had risen, bathing him in its bright rays. He could touch the clouds, which no longer seemed intimidating; they were like the trees, so full of life. He looked at his hands; a faint blue flame had enveloped them, but it did not burn his skin. It was the fire of passion and hope that rose inside him as he flew. He looked to his left, seeing eagles flying next to him. They were a welcoming committee, greeting their new companion to their world.

Finally, he mustered up the courage to look down. The earth was but a sphere now, so distant and far away that he did not worry that it could reach him now, not in this beautiful place. He could see the deep blue of the oceans and the green and brown of the land. How amazing they looked from afar.

Then he turned his view upwards, away from the past. Above him, he could see two gigantic hands. They were open, palms facing him, waiting for him to come to them. He knew they were calling for him. He felt a sense of warmth that was entirely separate from the flames surrounding him. What was that feeling? He knew, whatever it was, he wanted it. And so, more sure of this than he ever had been about anything, he darted to the enormous hands.

As he drew closer, a blinding light emanated from the hands, engulfing him completely. He had to shut his eyes due to how bright it was. What was that he could hear? Singing? It sounded like a choir, the most beautiful choir he had ever heard. They sounded joyful in their resounding song. Perhaps they had been waiting for him all this time, waiting to welcome him to his new home.

He opened his eyes. The light still surrounded him, almost talking to him in a voice that he could hear aloud, and yet felt like a thought in his mind. It reassured him, comforted him. It wanted him to stay here.

This was where he wanted to be. It was his chance for a new life. It was the freedom he so desperately needed. And so, without looking back, he let the light consume him...mind, soul, body, and heart.


- Inspired by the art of Vance Harris

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Words

So today was the first night of ELPIS, Joey's young adult group. 'Twas a great night. The message was about finding rest in God, which is something we all need sometimes. But this blog post isn't about that message.

During worship, Joey brought up something that he did at a camp one time. The leaders asked for people to start calling out words that described God to them. He said that when one comes authentically it's like confession.

It caused me to think about what God's doing in my life. Two specific words came to mind: Protector and Guide. And I will try to define them how I saw them.

Protector

Every single day of my life is spent around the ways of the world. I work in a building which is almost entirely non-Christian save for me and Duck (as far as I know). The rest of the people there range from atheists to Wiccan to Christian Agnost (which is someone who believes there's a God but isn't willing to fully submit to Him). They swear, they talk about a bunch of weird things, they have beliefs and views that are opposite mine.

After work I go to school. I know nothing at all about the beliefs of my XHTML class, but my English class is a different story. Most, if not all, of them are non-Christian. Not only this, but they all have fairly...er...low views of Christianity for whatever reason.

However, despite that I am around these things, they haven't swept me away. I can only attribute this to God being there with me, protecting me from the demons.

Guide

Where do I start with this? Well, I can't exactly give all the details of this one at the moment. But let's just say that recent events have caused me to see the future differently, some in ways that I constantly wonder if I'm ready for. But perhaps, just perhaps God's up there saying, "Hey, it's time for you to go this way." Which, if so, is freakin' awesome. And it also means that He knows where I should be going and is pointing me in the right direction. If I listen to the Guide, I will find the pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow, which will be amazing.

Conclusion

These are things I already knew, but they aren't really things I knew. It was only as those words came that it really processed in my mind. And I thank God for putting them there. I thank Him for putting those words in my mind and on my heart. And I thank Him for being those things to me. Because I need them to successfully make it through this world.

Friday, May 8, 2009

I Have

I have stood on the edge of canyons
Those incredible depths
The distance I was so close to falling into

I have looked upon the mountains
The obstacles I had to traverse
Dark forests and frigid snow

I have trekked across the deserts
Those unforgiving dunes
No destination in sight

I have walked through city streets
The hustle and bustle of everyday life
That conceal, yet reveal, a degrading world

I have been caught in gunfire
Bullet after deadly bullet
Threatening to pierce my soul

I have been hit with the knife
Stabbed in all my weakest points
The ways in which I am vulnerable

I have swam across the oceans
The waves battered my body
Yet could not break my spirit

I have stared down fear
And laughed in his face
For I am allied with the Victorious

I have seen light in darkness
It seemed so distant
Yet was always with me

I have seen the hands that heal
Walked into their light
Into Love's embrace

- A.R. Rodriguez, 5/08/2009