So today I played my second ever live show.
Now, for those of you who don't know, which is probably everyone other than Sarrah and Joey, I have played one show before. I played bass at one of Joey's shows in some coffee shop I can't remember the name of. Personally, I thought it was a disaster. Joey played fine, I was the one who messed up. Mostly because I hadn't had time to practice the songs enough. It was kind of a last minute deal. Oddly, no one seemed to notice my mistakes except Joey and me, which was bad enough for me.
This time was completely different. I would be at Coram Deo for our present wrapping party, playing guitar and singing alongside Ryan, my church's music director, who would also be playing guitar and singing. He sang lead on the first song (Emmanuel). Then it was my turn. The song I would lead is the famous "What Child Is This?" I've kind of fallen in love with the song this Christmas season, I'm not sure why. But either way, I suggested it to Ryan and he asked me to lead it, so I did. After that I sang back-up on "O Come Let Us Adore Him." All in all I think I made a total of one mistake, and I myself hardly noticed it.
Before Ryan and I went up, I felt this odd feeling. Now, I was scared and nervous of going on stage. I kept getting reassurances from my future in-laws, my sister, and Sarrah, who had all heard our practice session. But right before the time to go up came, I was sitting next to Sarrah and it hit me that she was supporting me. I already knew that of course, but it hit me right then. And when I realized that, I felt like more than a scared little boy about to play karaoke in front of a church. I felt like a man. I knew that having her there was what made me able to step on that stage with even a remote expectation that it would go well.
When I went to Big Splash at Wild Waves one year, I watched one of my favorite local Christian rock bands: SoulDeep. At one point, the singer's daughter came down. She must've been three or four maybe. I had noticed before she came down that the singer had a wedding ring. I thought it was so cool. I'm not sure what it was. Maybe I just thought that him having a family was the result of serving God. Either way I knew I wanted that.
During our worship, my eyes continually went to Sarrah. She was to my left though so I realized I couldn't just look in her direction the whole time. But, at least once when I looked, our eyes met. And she smiled. Then I smiled. It made the whole thing a lot easier. Now I was that musician on stage with the supportive love on my side.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Apprentice
I'm an apprentice of Jesus above
I learn from His teachings and His way of life
He speaks to my heart and teaches me love
To love unconditionally despite strife
I learn from His teachings and His way of live
His words are clear and His message so true
To love unconditionally without strife
That's His commandment, that is His view
His words are clear and His message so true
Love the Lord God with all that you are
That's His commandment, that is His view
Then He'll see to it that we travel far
Love the Lord God with all that you are
All of your heart, your mind, strength and soul
Then He'll see to it that we travel far
Walking with Him through this lifelong stroll
All of your heart, your mind, strength and soul
In the Lord God they will be so refined
Walking with Him through this lifelong stroll
Walking beside and not falling behind
In the Lord God they will be so refined
I see the masses all raising their hands
Walking beside and not falling behind
They sing to God in all of the lands
I see the masses all raising their hands
I stand in awe and I shout to the Lord
They sing to God in all of the lands
Simply to worship, not for reward
I stand in awe and I shout to the Lord
He speaks to my heart and teaches me love
Simply to worship, not for reward
I'm an apprentice of Jesus above
I learn from His teachings and His way of life
He speaks to my heart and teaches me love
To love unconditionally despite strife
I learn from His teachings and His way of live
His words are clear and His message so true
To love unconditionally without strife
That's His commandment, that is His view
His words are clear and His message so true
Love the Lord God with all that you are
That's His commandment, that is His view
Then He'll see to it that we travel far
Love the Lord God with all that you are
All of your heart, your mind, strength and soul
Then He'll see to it that we travel far
Walking with Him through this lifelong stroll
All of your heart, your mind, strength and soul
In the Lord God they will be so refined
Walking with Him through this lifelong stroll
Walking beside and not falling behind
In the Lord God they will be so refined
I see the masses all raising their hands
Walking beside and not falling behind
They sing to God in all of the lands
I see the masses all raising their hands
I stand in awe and I shout to the Lord
They sing to God in all of the lands
Simply to worship, not for reward
I stand in awe and I shout to the Lord
He speaks to my heart and teaches me love
Simply to worship, not for reward
I'm an apprentice of Jesus above
Thursday, September 3, 2009
A Game of Chess
Two armies march
Light and darkness
Colliding in battle
When the game is played
One king will stand
The other will fall
The darkness is clever
A master deceiver
An expert at laying traps
At luring people into his grasp
He sees a thousand moves ahead
And can take you in only a few
The light is brave
A grandmaster at the game
He knows the pieces intimately
The strengths and weaknesses of each one
He sees ten thousand moves ahead
And can take the opponent in one
This is one piece that won't be taken
One play that won't be stopped
One trap that will be undone
When the Grandmaster makes His move
Light and darkness
Colliding in battle
When the game is played
One king will stand
The other will fall
The darkness is clever
A master deceiver
An expert at laying traps
At luring people into his grasp
He sees a thousand moves ahead
And can take you in only a few
The light is brave
A grandmaster at the game
He knows the pieces intimately
The strengths and weaknesses of each one
He sees ten thousand moves ahead
And can take the opponent in one
This is one piece that won't be taken
One play that won't be stopped
One trap that will be undone
When the Grandmaster makes His move
Saturday, August 15, 2009
My Bro's Getting Married Today
So, today my friend and brother Joey is getting married. It's such a weird thought. The guys and I have been anticipating this for about a year now. It's like the hit event of 2009 or something. Thankfully though, I've recently begun to learn what exactly the real meaning is when they're on the altar saying, "I do." I'm not going to go on about the same old picture of Christ and the church, although I agree with that fully and think it's awesome. Rather, I have a different yet related part of the picture to show you.
Summer is typically wedding season. Makes sense, doesn't it? Nice weather, blue skies, warmth, and all that whatnot abound at this time of year. Yes, even in Washington, who just likes to throw random curveballs at us. But as a result of wedding season, one can't help but hear people talking about weddings. Sarrah keeps getting surrounded by women talking about how guys proposed to them (which is one of the most frightening conversations for a man to be around during) or what happens to their bodies when they're pregnant (which is just a scary thought for BOTH genders).
But at the same time, one learns about marriage through his own relationship, with people and with his significant other.
A married couple, one who is dedicated to God, should know one another deeply and intimately. Sarrah and I talk about stuff, confide in one another. It's just made us closer. When I see a married couple, particularly an older one, I like to imagine they have that kind of knowledge of each other. And it's a beautiful thing.
Along with that comes a love that is willing to forgive. Some people want a fairy tale relationship. Simply put, it doesn't exist. No relationship worth its salt is perfect. We are fallible human beings. How can we possibly expect one another to be perfect in every way? We know we are not perfect; don't expect perfection from someone else. One should love his spouse enough to forget the wrongs. And vice versa, ladies. At least if one wants a relationship to work.
Then comes life. When two people go to the altar to give their vows, they are basically forgetting their old, individual lives for this new, joint one. The man's life has been thrown away. The woman's life has been thrown away. This new life includes both of them and belongs neither to one or the other, but to both of them as if they are a single person. They work as a unit to live the life God has planned for them together. Sarrah put this really well in a line of a poem:
I'm sure there's a lot more to it. I'm absolutely certain I don't know everything there is to know about marriage. I wonder if anyone really does? I think I had something else I wanted to write, too, but I forgot what it was. So anyways, this is what I've learned thus far from observation as well as from my own relationship. That sounded like a scientific kind of sentence.
Now, I have a wedding to attend. Have a good one!
Summer is typically wedding season. Makes sense, doesn't it? Nice weather, blue skies, warmth, and all that whatnot abound at this time of year. Yes, even in Washington, who just likes to throw random curveballs at us. But as a result of wedding season, one can't help but hear people talking about weddings. Sarrah keeps getting surrounded by women talking about how guys proposed to them (which is one of the most frightening conversations for a man to be around during) or what happens to their bodies when they're pregnant (which is just a scary thought for BOTH genders).
But at the same time, one learns about marriage through his own relationship, with people and with his significant other.
A married couple, one who is dedicated to God, should know one another deeply and intimately. Sarrah and I talk about stuff, confide in one another. It's just made us closer. When I see a married couple, particularly an older one, I like to imagine they have that kind of knowledge of each other. And it's a beautiful thing.
Along with that comes a love that is willing to forgive. Some people want a fairy tale relationship. Simply put, it doesn't exist. No relationship worth its salt is perfect. We are fallible human beings. How can we possibly expect one another to be perfect in every way? We know we are not perfect; don't expect perfection from someone else. One should love his spouse enough to forget the wrongs. And vice versa, ladies. At least if one wants a relationship to work.
Then comes life. When two people go to the altar to give their vows, they are basically forgetting their old, individual lives for this new, joint one. The man's life has been thrown away. The woman's life has been thrown away. This new life includes both of them and belongs neither to one or the other, but to both of them as if they are a single person. They work as a unit to live the life God has planned for them together. Sarrah put this really well in a line of a poem:
Separate in body but united in Christ.Isn't that beautiful? Now that I'm back to the normal picture, here goes. Christ died for the church. We (the church) must die for Christ. Likewise, a man and a woman lay down their lives for one another. And this happens every day. A man named Cairo was telling Hanna yesterday at the wedding rehearsal/setup that if she's not willing to die for just one month, or if Joey's not willing to die for just a month, there's going to be catastrophe. But if they are, it's awesome.
I'm sure there's a lot more to it. I'm absolutely certain I don't know everything there is to know about marriage. I wonder if anyone really does? I think I had something else I wanted to write, too, but I forgot what it was. So anyways, this is what I've learned thus far from observation as well as from my own relationship. That sounded like a scientific kind of sentence.
Now, I have a wedding to attend. Have a good one!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Prayer and Trust
So I believe there are two lessons that God wants me to learn: prayer and God-reliance.
It's as if He's been urging me to embrace these two things over the past few days. I, like many people I'm assuming, am guilty of not praying as often as I should as well as trying to rely on my own strength or working towards my own glory rather than God's. Let me tell you: doing this can only disappoint you.
I think the time I started realizing what I was doing was this past Sunday. My friend Ryan preached a sermon about letting God's glory shine through our weaknesses. Now, I've been a Christian all my life. I've heard this concept before and frankly, I agree with what it's talking about. But that doesn't mean I'm necessarily good at following that principle. In fact, I hadn't been following that principle recently. That realization hit me like a train.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out which way to go. I'm going for a degree in Integrated Multimedia. But this is a very broad field. It encompasses art, graphic design, music, audio engineering, film making, screenwriting, web design, photography, animation, and things along those lines. With so many different things to choose from, how can I know what I should be doing? This is a very uncertain part of my future.
Along with that, I know I want to attend Evergreen State College starting in Fall 2010. I would very much like to do this without loans, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to take one out. It costs around $17,000 a year to go if I live on-campus.
And in general, I've just been feeling like I've been trying to do things myself. Like trying to figure it all out with my own (admittedly lacking) mind. I want to do a lot of things. I'd love to write songs and record an EP sometime. I'd love to write screenplays and novels and all those cool things. Maybe making storyboards would be a good way to use what skill I have in art. But at the same time, all of these goals feel so far off like clouds in the sky, unreachable by my human hands.
All of this, without God in the mix, makes me feel crappy and negative, like there's no way I'll ever be able to do anything successfully. I also fear what would happen if I don't focus on God, which was why the sermon Ryan preached on Sunday hit me so hard; I was looking to my own success rather than God's glory, but I was having a hard time shifting my focus.
So today on my lunch break, I was reading chapter seven of a book called In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. It's a book about seizing God-ordained opportunities. Taking risks. Sounds like it would be applicable in this situation, wouldn't it? Well, it was going into my mind but it wasn't entirely convincing me.
That is, it wasn't until I came to the section about living in prayer mode. Batterson was talking about how people in prayer mode can see further than others can see and catch things others don't catch. Along with this, a previous chapter talked more about prayer, about how when we turn to God, but don't know what to actually say with words, God still hears us. Our groans, screams, and sighs are prayers as long as we come to God with them. This went into my mind and stayed because, not only are there times when I don't know what to say when I pray, but I already knew I hadn't been praying as often as I should be, nor truly turning to God for answers.
After reading this chapter I decided that, on my next break, I was going to start prayer-walking again. It's something I used to do on my breaks until my left foot started seriously hurting to walk on for too long. But now that my foot is healed I can do it. I just haven't been. So I went on my prayer-walk and lay the thoughts that weighed on me before God. I also asked Him to reveal the way, His way, to me, and to give me the strength and courage to take that path when I see it, even if it seems uncertain. I honestly, truly meant every word I said to Him. And, for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of peace. I knew in my heart that God was going to reveal His plans to me, and that those plans will be clear when it's time for me to follow. Whether or not they involve Evergreen, they will be revealed. And to be honest, they'll probably, meaning most likely, be difficult to follow, but it'll be so very worth it to do so.
So here I am at 12:48 in the morning, writing to what readers I have out in the blogosphere. I'm going to sound like a cheesy kids story when I say this, but the moral of the story (yes) lies in Proverbs 3:5-6.
It's as if He's been urging me to embrace these two things over the past few days. I, like many people I'm assuming, am guilty of not praying as often as I should as well as trying to rely on my own strength or working towards my own glory rather than God's. Let me tell you: doing this can only disappoint you.
I think the time I started realizing what I was doing was this past Sunday. My friend Ryan preached a sermon about letting God's glory shine through our weaknesses. Now, I've been a Christian all my life. I've heard this concept before and frankly, I agree with what it's talking about. But that doesn't mean I'm necessarily good at following that principle. In fact, I hadn't been following that principle recently. That realization hit me like a train.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out which way to go. I'm going for a degree in Integrated Multimedia. But this is a very broad field. It encompasses art, graphic design, music, audio engineering, film making, screenwriting, web design, photography, animation, and things along those lines. With so many different things to choose from, how can I know what I should be doing? This is a very uncertain part of my future.
Along with that, I know I want to attend Evergreen State College starting in Fall 2010. I would very much like to do this without loans, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to take one out. It costs around $17,000 a year to go if I live on-campus.
And in general, I've just been feeling like I've been trying to do things myself. Like trying to figure it all out with my own (admittedly lacking) mind. I want to do a lot of things. I'd love to write songs and record an EP sometime. I'd love to write screenplays and novels and all those cool things. Maybe making storyboards would be a good way to use what skill I have in art. But at the same time, all of these goals feel so far off like clouds in the sky, unreachable by my human hands.
All of this, without God in the mix, makes me feel crappy and negative, like there's no way I'll ever be able to do anything successfully. I also fear what would happen if I don't focus on God, which was why the sermon Ryan preached on Sunday hit me so hard; I was looking to my own success rather than God's glory, but I was having a hard time shifting my focus.
So today on my lunch break, I was reading chapter seven of a book called In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. It's a book about seizing God-ordained opportunities. Taking risks. Sounds like it would be applicable in this situation, wouldn't it? Well, it was going into my mind but it wasn't entirely convincing me.
That is, it wasn't until I came to the section about living in prayer mode. Batterson was talking about how people in prayer mode can see further than others can see and catch things others don't catch. Along with this, a previous chapter talked more about prayer, about how when we turn to God, but don't know what to actually say with words, God still hears us. Our groans, screams, and sighs are prayers as long as we come to God with them. This went into my mind and stayed because, not only are there times when I don't know what to say when I pray, but I already knew I hadn't been praying as often as I should be, nor truly turning to God for answers.
After reading this chapter I decided that, on my next break, I was going to start prayer-walking again. It's something I used to do on my breaks until my left foot started seriously hurting to walk on for too long. But now that my foot is healed I can do it. I just haven't been. So I went on my prayer-walk and lay the thoughts that weighed on me before God. I also asked Him to reveal the way, His way, to me, and to give me the strength and courage to take that path when I see it, even if it seems uncertain. I honestly, truly meant every word I said to Him. And, for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of peace. I knew in my heart that God was going to reveal His plans to me, and that those plans will be clear when it's time for me to follow. Whether or not they involve Evergreen, they will be revealed. And to be honest, they'll probably, meaning most likely, be difficult to follow, but it'll be so very worth it to do so.
So here I am at 12:48 in the morning, writing to what readers I have out in the blogosphere. I'm going to sound like a cheesy kids story when I say this, but the moral of the story (yes) lies in Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.NIVWhen we truly, honestly lay our concerns before God, and are really fully willing to submit to Him, we can feel a sense of peace because we know the answers will come. They may not come immediately, but we can rest assured that they will come on God's timing, which is the best timing. It's a lesson I've been learning since mid-May and will continue to learn for the rest of my life.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
For Sparta, and For the Sake of Blogging
So, I really don't know what on earth to blog about right now. I just know I haven't in a while and...well, I feel like writing something.
Today my friend Ryan gave a sermon at church about finding God's power in weakness. Why would God want to use incredibly weak people like us to do His extraordinary work? I wish I had taken some notes because then I could list the reasons he gave, but I find I need to truly, honestly let God do His work so that He gets the glory, not let God help me with my work so that I get the credit and I say, "God helped a little."
Ryan related a story to us from Acts 19:11-20. It's a funny story about how Paul, as well as aprons and laundry that had touched Paul's skin could heal wounds and cast out demons, but exorcists who were paid to do stuff like this were incapable of doing so. They tried to cast out a demon in Jesus' name, but the demon-possessed man overpowered them all and left them running away naked and bleeding. Imagine that. A bunch of naked people running out of a building. Kind of a funny thought.
Why did this happen? The exorcists were typically in witchcraft, sorcery, and making money. Jesus was an incantation to them, the next money-making thing. To Paul, He was a real person, the real God, Who deserved the credit for every good thing. I think I've been acting like the exorcists when I should be acting more like Paul. God should get credit, not me. I don't do diddly squat.
God should get credit for every good thing. For example, love.
Simply put, I love Sarrah. Is this because I'm some amazing, loving person? I don't know. But the way I see it is this: If God is Love, He enables us to love. So if we love, God should get credit for it. That's not to say that one who doesn't believe in God is incapable of love. Rather, love exists because of God, who is everywhere around us. If not for God, I'd probably hate the lot of you and tell you all to screw yourselves and jump off a bridge.
I've got no real idea why I'm writing any of this. It's probably pretty stupid actually. I just wanted to blog about something. So, here I am...blogging. Yep. Have a nice night, stay classy, and whatnot.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Adam the Cannibal is Not an Ideal Jedi
So, out of boredom I decided to take my infamous relationship rant and run it through Google Translator. I went from English to French to German to French and ended back at English. I got some amusing results.
So it was slow to kill me this week?
* Cough *
I would say that in my mind lately? What was the concept entirely, I mean that I am in my blog about this? Ah, yes ... Relations.
Hello! It may complain, but not another. Well, maybe. We will see where there are here.
It was a little behind, almost a year ago. I have a daughter to eat, but I had no idea what I have all the time. I was on the ground trying to improvise. Of course, it did not work. But it was after that date, that I am, I had no idea what I'm doing when it comes to encounters or relationships. More Joey, who was at the time, recently had a relationship with the girl, now his girlfriend, told me that the relationship ended, he decided that, to date, he been regarded as a God, which leads to a girl. I took it with a heart and decided I had to wait. Not only that, but I personally am ready to.
Then it's a year later. I have good and bad sides of love, of observing my friends incursions. It reminds me very, really. What will happen if I with the false?
Let me give you an example. I know a couple before he broke the two who were Christians. Everyone continuously for more ... hmm, how do I have this relationship .... Not necessarily sex, but also very close. One could say: "Well, it must stop." But sooner or later, it loops around the suspicion and places of residence was never produced. ... Finally finished five months after the fracture. Oh man.
Now, what I would do in this situation? I would say that I remain strong. But I also know that I am not always the role model for the force. As I said in the past, we never know really what we can, as long as we in the heat of the moment. Of course, you can always say: "I was, I'm never going back." But it is, if the devil is still trying, we have tested our resolve. And most of the time ... in fact all the time ... the only way to win, is God. It is the highest.
It is like it is tempting to me asking me if I am the punishment. This question has been in my mind for a long time, as it is? I mean, if we die and in heaven, the marriage is not really something, is not it? But the Bible, love and marriage is what God has for us. He has the woman, because man alone, is not it? And Paul said:
"Now, singles and widows I say: It is good for her to remain unmarried as I am. But if they do not themselves, they should marry, because it is better to marry than to burn with passion. "
- 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Paul was single. Ie it has not been tempted to meat. So, is not married, was easy for him. This is not the case for the majority of the population.
At the same time, I reflected on the relations in general. Hmmm. Will I be a good friend? Me and a girl like me? The girls I liked in the past, for whatever reason, what I know. But why? I doubt that this is the guitar, I am not Alex Lifeson.
Many girls I know are in relationships with boys more and more about how nature is "the best guy ever" or "perfection in every sense." I do not think I'm in this type pressure. Not only that, but also difficult to imagine a girl on me. I saw things. Like a lot.
Yes, I trust in his own questions. It is another of my problems.
Here's a question for you: Is it a pity that I can think of reason not days almost all girls, I'm almost as far? It is clear that I will not go, or the girl. But I do not know if this is good reason, or if I just make excuses.
And since I love the random notes, I give you chance Notes: dreams. Recently, I had many dreams of the girl. It could simply be a kind of buried desires, which I do not even know about to meet a girl, playing with my mind, but what happens so often lately that I am left to wonder why.
Good first dream. I had this a few weeks ago, I think. I was in a water park. There was a rocket that can be. They launch into the sky. Now, a policeman came in all the arrogant and said it was illegal and dangerous. I took his arm and told him that I use for him. For some reason, he said that me and that is why I have been attacked. I was handcuffed to a park bench outside the police station (strange, is not it?). And I know a girl from the station, after it seems that food out of it. She sat beside me and there was for me. Time, she seemed nervous. I think we almost kissed, but I can not really remember. Bare in mind that this girl is someone that I did not once. I talk to him or to see. Weird.
Then a few nights ago, I had a dream in which I married another girl that I am not interested in. Curiously, I am also the minister. I am reminded of a sign, said: "May you now kiss the bride", as I kissed the bride. Can you imagine, the ministers are to your marriage?
Finally, for whatever reason, I'm in a classroom shirt. I sat at my table and another girl (I do not have to l ') told me I have to go tanning and that is why I really want something good or. This is not an environment (or at least I am not longer seen). But this dream was strange, because I also remember being here and Duck many of us begin to dance for any reason.
What's weird is it seriously that I am not a time as any at the moment. At least as far as I can tell, I do not.
Yes, I took quite Droned about it. Then God said, 'Hey, it's time for you on the spot ", or is it my mind playing tricks me?
So it was slow to kill me this week?
* Cough *
I would say that in my mind lately? What was the concept entirely, I mean that I am in my blog about this? Ah, yes ... Relations.
Hello! It may complain, but not another. Well, maybe. We will see where there are here.
It was a little behind, almost a year ago. I have a daughter to eat, but I had no idea what I have all the time. I was on the ground trying to improvise. Of course, it did not work. But it was after that date, that I am, I had no idea what I'm doing when it comes to encounters or relationships. More Joey, who was at the time, recently had a relationship with the girl, now his girlfriend, told me that the relationship ended, he decided that, to date, he been regarded as a God, which leads to a girl. I took it with a heart and decided I had to wait. Not only that, but I personally am ready to.
Then it's a year later. I have good and bad sides of love, of observing my friends incursions. It reminds me very, really. What will happen if I with the false?
Let me give you an example. I know a couple before he broke the two who were Christians. Everyone continuously for more ... hmm, how do I have this relationship .... Not necessarily sex, but also very close. One could say: "Well, it must stop." But sooner or later, it loops around the suspicion and places of residence was never produced. ... Finally finished five months after the fracture. Oh man.
Now, what I would do in this situation? I would say that I remain strong. But I also know that I am not always the role model for the force. As I said in the past, we never know really what we can, as long as we in the heat of the moment. Of course, you can always say: "I was, I'm never going back." But it is, if the devil is still trying, we have tested our resolve. And most of the time ... in fact all the time ... the only way to win, is God. It is the highest.
It is like it is tempting to me asking me if I am the punishment. This question has been in my mind for a long time, as it is? I mean, if we die and in heaven, the marriage is not really something, is not it? But the Bible, love and marriage is what God has for us. He has the woman, because man alone, is not it? And Paul said:
"Now, singles and widows I say: It is good for her to remain unmarried as I am. But if they do not themselves, they should marry, because it is better to marry than to burn with passion. "
- 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Paul was single. Ie it has not been tempted to meat. So, is not married, was easy for him. This is not the case for the majority of the population.
At the same time, I reflected on the relations in general. Hmmm. Will I be a good friend? Me and a girl like me? The girls I liked in the past, for whatever reason, what I know. But why? I doubt that this is the guitar, I am not Alex Lifeson.
Many girls I know are in relationships with boys more and more about how nature is "the best guy ever" or "perfection in every sense." I do not think I'm in this type pressure. Not only that, but also difficult to imagine a girl on me. I saw things. Like a lot.
Yes, I trust in his own questions. It is another of my problems.
Here's a question for you: Is it a pity that I can think of reason not days almost all girls, I'm almost as far? It is clear that I will not go, or the girl. But I do not know if this is good reason, or if I just make excuses.
And since I love the random notes, I give you chance Notes: dreams. Recently, I had many dreams of the girl. It could simply be a kind of buried desires, which I do not even know about to meet a girl, playing with my mind, but what happens so often lately that I am left to wonder why.
Good first dream. I had this a few weeks ago, I think. I was in a water park. There was a rocket that can be. They launch into the sky. Now, a policeman came in all the arrogant and said it was illegal and dangerous. I took his arm and told him that I use for him. For some reason, he said that me and that is why I have been attacked. I was handcuffed to a park bench outside the police station (strange, is not it?). And I know a girl from the station, after it seems that food out of it. She sat beside me and there was for me. Time, she seemed nervous. I think we almost kissed, but I can not really remember. Bare in mind that this girl is someone that I did not once. I talk to him or to see. Weird.
Then a few nights ago, I had a dream in which I married another girl that I am not interested in. Curiously, I am also the minister. I am reminded of a sign, said: "May you now kiss the bride", as I kissed the bride. Can you imagine, the ministers are to your marriage?
Finally, for whatever reason, I'm in a classroom shirt. I sat at my table and another girl (I do not have to l ') told me I have to go tanning and that is why I really want something good or. This is not an environment (or at least I am not longer seen). But this dream was strange, because I also remember being here and Duck many of us begin to dance for any reason.
What's weird is it seriously that I am not a time as any at the moment. At least as far as I can tell, I do not.
Yes, I took quite Droned about it. Then God said, 'Hey, it's time for you on the spot ", or is it my mind playing tricks me?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sin is Salvation?
This past Sunday I went to Sarrah's church, Coram Deo, in Bremerton. The message was about suffering. The pastor, Jon, used two examples in the Bible about how suffering is part of God's plan; he cited the story of Joseph (who he described as "like a 1970's pimp with his fuzzy coat") as well as the story of Jesus. In Jesus' case, he said that even though the men who killed Jesus committed a grevious sin, it was still all part of God's plan. They were acting against God, but He knew they would and planned accordingly.
Sarrah's friend Katie, who is not Christian, was taking notes. I curiously took a look at them later on and saw a comment: "Sin is salvation?" It was something along those lines. When I read that, I kind of wondered how it could be explained. Pastor Jon had said that we don't always know how it works. There is no good answer sometimes.
The next day I was at work, which is my thinking time. Since I sit at a computer all day, there's not much for my mind to do except focus purely on work, and who wants to do that? My mind fell on this message again and I thought about it. If sin is bad, how does it all work into God's plan? Then an analogy came to mind that made sense to me. It is probably the only way I can think of to explain it.
It's like a fight. When you are in physical combat with someone, there are three things you want to do.
When God sent down His Son to save the world, He knew that Satan would plot to kill Him. God knew that Satan would plant the seeds of hatred in the hearts of the religious leaders of the time. But God planned for it to happen. When Jesus died, Satan thought for a few days that he had won. He thought he had finally got one on God. However, what he didn't realize was that this was all part of the plan. Jesus rose on the third day, triumphant. In other words, God used Satan's strength over the hearts of wicked men against him. He knew of the weakness of men and let it happen because His triumphant plan would work. Ultimately, He won the fight.
If you have anything to add, help me out here.
So that's probably the simplest way I can think of to explain how I believe it works. I don't know if it's the best answer in the world, but it's what I can think of, anyways. But then, it isn't always for us to know the way God works.
Sarrah's friend Katie, who is not Christian, was taking notes. I curiously took a look at them later on and saw a comment: "Sin is salvation?" It was something along those lines. When I read that, I kind of wondered how it could be explained. Pastor Jon had said that we don't always know how it works. There is no good answer sometimes.
The next day I was at work, which is my thinking time. Since I sit at a computer all day, there's not much for my mind to do except focus purely on work, and who wants to do that? My mind fell on this message again and I thought about it. If sin is bad, how does it all work into God's plan? Then an analogy came to mind that made sense to me. It is probably the only way I can think of to explain it.
It's like a fight. When you are in physical combat with someone, there are three things you want to do.
- You want to exploit the opponent's weaknesses
- You want to try to turn his strengths against him
- You want to anticipate your opponent's moves so you can plan and react accordingly.
When God sent down His Son to save the world, He knew that Satan would plot to kill Him. God knew that Satan would plant the seeds of hatred in the hearts of the religious leaders of the time. But God planned for it to happen. When Jesus died, Satan thought for a few days that he had won. He thought he had finally got one on God. However, what he didn't realize was that this was all part of the plan. Jesus rose on the third day, triumphant. In other words, God used Satan's strength over the hearts of wicked men against him. He knew of the weakness of men and let it happen because His triumphant plan would work. Ultimately, He won the fight.
If you have anything to add, help me out here.
So that's probably the simplest way I can think of to explain how I believe it works. I don't know if it's the best answer in the world, but it's what I can think of, anyways. But then, it isn't always for us to know the way God works.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Cheesy Jazz Numbers
In my previous blog about relationships, I came as one who was skeptical about them. Skeptical as to whether I was ever going to be in one, skeptical as to if girls could like a guy like me, skeptical as to whether I was ready for one or not, and skeptical as to whether I was even the kind of person who could be in one in the first place.
This time I come as one who is in one. Big difference it is.
For those who don't know, I recently began a relationship with Sarrah. Yeah, the same Sarrah who comments my blog stuffs. Shortly after this, I started searching for any and all forms of advice I could get. Not from worldly people or sources, mind you, but from the Christian perspective. Having never actually been in a real relationship, I was and still am clueless. I have friends who just seem to be doing it right. What exactly is that thing, that big mystery of a concept? There's only one real thing I can figure, based on everything I've seen and heard so far. God has to be involved. He absolutely has to be involved for a real, loving, Godly relationship to not only work, but to result from a pursuit.
Joey gave me the advice of living out Ephesians 5:25.
I also got a text from my best friend, Nicole, about it.
This whole thing started with a poem. As cheesy as that sounds, it did. Sarrah wrote this poem that she had written about a night we hung out before her goodbye party. She told me she heard this little voice one night telling her to send it to me. So she did, not really expecting anything to happen other than for me to say it was an awesome poem. It wasn't sappy or anything really. It was more just her thoughts about the night. But I, misreading it entirely, took it as an "I like you" confession and replied with my own hastily thrown together attempt at an excuse for a poem before directly telling her I liked her.
The next day after work and school my Mom tells me something. My sister's piano teacher's daughter had recently broken up with her boyfriend. Her mom sent my Mom an e-mail asking about me, saying that I seemed like the kind of guy who would be willing to swoop in and save the day. I think our mothers' ultimate goal was to get me to be her prom date. Had the events of the previous night not ensued, I may have said yes...maybe. I am generally not inclined to go on blind dates. I told my Mom about what happened the night before at that moment because if I simply said no, she would have tried to convince me otherwise. No one had any way of knowing what had happened the night before.
Another time, a month later, the most interesting thing happened. I was sitting in the living room alone and I was hit with the sudden urge to pray. So I did. I prayed about what was on my heart, saying that it was all in God's hands. I even said to Him that I was afraid of the result and asked for the courage to accept whatever happened.
Two minutes later I got a call. And I knew who it was before I even answered: Andrew. My friend, Sarrah's ex, and the one person who I was worried about in this whole thing. So I told him, simply wanting him to hear it from me. And he told me not to worry about it. This was only two minutes after that prayer.
I realized right then and there that God absolutely and totally HAS to be involved in a relationship for it to work. And I mean really, truly work, not the excuse for working that the world gives us.
What's also interesting about the whole thing is that, when I first got this poem, I wasn't even thinking about relationships, or being in one really. I did like Sarrah, but we hadn't talked in ages and I think I had convinced myself it could never happen and just gone on with my life. Not only that, I didn't think I was ready. Now here I am, a month later, in a relationship. Do I feel ready? Sort of, but at the same time sort of not. Does that necessarily mean I'm not? No it doesn't. If God knows I can do it, He's gonna put me there and prove to me that I can. With His help, obviously.
Am I jumping ahead of myself? Not at all. I know full well that I've only been in a relationship for a week and that I have no idea if it's going to work or not at this point. Nor do I claim to suddenly have become an expert on relationships because I am the absolute farthest thing from that. That is not what this blog is about. It's about my conviction and realization that God has to be involved in such things. I guess it's sort of an update from my last post about relationships. You'd think I would have known this and I did, but it really processed in my mind over the past month. And maybe the fact that I've realized that, combined with a willingness to give it to God, means I am ready.
This time I come as one who is in one. Big difference it is.
For those who don't know, I recently began a relationship with Sarrah. Yeah, the same Sarrah who comments my blog stuffs. Shortly after this, I started searching for any and all forms of advice I could get. Not from worldly people or sources, mind you, but from the Christian perspective. Having never actually been in a real relationship, I was and still am clueless. I have friends who just seem to be doing it right. What exactly is that thing, that big mystery of a concept? There's only one real thing I can figure, based on everything I've seen and heard so far. God has to be involved. He absolutely has to be involved for a real, loving, Godly relationship to not only work, but to result from a pursuit.
Joey gave me the advice of living out Ephesians 5:25.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (NIV)Which means that, just as Jesus sacrificed Himself for the church, men, too, are called to sacrifice for their wives. It's big, and so very true.
I also got a text from my best friend, Nicole, about it.
You may already know this but God has to be the center of your relationship, having Bible studies and praying and with every decision you two make consult Him first and every decision you make involving her (like if you were to buy her something or whatnot) you must involve Him. This relationship has to glorify God and that's the only way it will work. :) have faith!!Not only this, but I've seen the strangest things going on that I'm pretty sure were God things, which only convinces me more that He has to be involved in a relationship somehow.
This whole thing started with a poem. As cheesy as that sounds, it did. Sarrah wrote this poem that she had written about a night we hung out before her goodbye party. She told me she heard this little voice one night telling her to send it to me. So she did, not really expecting anything to happen other than for me to say it was an awesome poem. It wasn't sappy or anything really. It was more just her thoughts about the night. But I, misreading it entirely, took it as an "I like you" confession and replied with my own hastily thrown together attempt at an excuse for a poem before directly telling her I liked her.
The next day after work and school my Mom tells me something. My sister's piano teacher's daughter had recently broken up with her boyfriend. Her mom sent my Mom an e-mail asking about me, saying that I seemed like the kind of guy who would be willing to swoop in and save the day. I think our mothers' ultimate goal was to get me to be her prom date. Had the events of the previous night not ensued, I may have said yes...maybe. I am generally not inclined to go on blind dates. I told my Mom about what happened the night before at that moment because if I simply said no, she would have tried to convince me otherwise. No one had any way of knowing what had happened the night before.
Another time, a month later, the most interesting thing happened. I was sitting in the living room alone and I was hit with the sudden urge to pray. So I did. I prayed about what was on my heart, saying that it was all in God's hands. I even said to Him that I was afraid of the result and asked for the courage to accept whatever happened.
Two minutes later I got a call. And I knew who it was before I even answered: Andrew. My friend, Sarrah's ex, and the one person who I was worried about in this whole thing. So I told him, simply wanting him to hear it from me. And he told me not to worry about it. This was only two minutes after that prayer.
I realized right then and there that God absolutely and totally HAS to be involved in a relationship for it to work. And I mean really, truly work, not the excuse for working that the world gives us.
What's also interesting about the whole thing is that, when I first got this poem, I wasn't even thinking about relationships, or being in one really. I did like Sarrah, but we hadn't talked in ages and I think I had convinced myself it could never happen and just gone on with my life. Not only that, I didn't think I was ready. Now here I am, a month later, in a relationship. Do I feel ready? Sort of, but at the same time sort of not. Does that necessarily mean I'm not? No it doesn't. If God knows I can do it, He's gonna put me there and prove to me that I can. With His help, obviously.
Am I jumping ahead of myself? Not at all. I know full well that I've only been in a relationship for a week and that I have no idea if it's going to work or not at this point. Nor do I claim to suddenly have become an expert on relationships because I am the absolute farthest thing from that. That is not what this blog is about. It's about my conviction and realization that God has to be involved in such things. I guess it's sort of an update from my last post about relationships. You'd think I would have known this and I did, but it really processed in my mind over the past month. And maybe the fact that I've realized that, combined with a willingness to give it to God, means I am ready.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A Quote for You All
I am humble enough to know I can't do anything without God, but confident enough to know I can do anything with Him.
- Adam Rodriguez, 5/23/2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Flight of a Dreamer
This is something I originally wrote last summer, then revised in December. And no, it is not a suicide thing. Enjoy.
He constantly felt trapped in this monotonous world. Every day he would go through the same routine: get up, go to work, go home, sleep. He was an artist; his imagination and creativity constantly cried for a release from the sameness of a world that had ensnared him.
That was why he had driven out here today.
He stood at the edge of the cliffs outside the city, gazing at the blazing orange sunrise that set the sky on fire. The clouds above looked ominously dark as if they were trying to keep him away, and yet they seemed to call to him. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, spread his arms wide, and took a step off the edge.
There was no hesitation, no reluctance. This was what he wanted. He wanted to be free. He wanted nothing less than to leave his chains behind him.
And so he slowly began to ascend.
He refused to look down at the world, for it was still far too close. He feared that if he looked back, it would reach out and grab him, ensnaring him in the binds of normalcy he was trying so hard to escape. He ascended faster now. The cool wind blew against his face as he opened his eyes, wishing to see his new world.
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The sun had risen, bathing him in its bright rays. He could touch the clouds, which no longer seemed intimidating; they were like the trees, so full of life. He looked at his hands; a faint blue flame had enveloped them, but it did not burn his skin. It was the fire of passion and hope that rose inside him as he flew. He looked to his left, seeing eagles flying next to him. They were a welcoming committee, greeting their new companion to their world.
Finally, he mustered up the courage to look down. The earth was but a sphere now, so distant and far away that he did not worry that it could reach him now, not in this beautiful place. He could see the deep blue of the oceans and the green and brown of the land. How amazing they looked from afar.
Then he turned his view upwards, away from the past. Above him, he could see two gigantic hands. They were open, palms facing him, waiting for him to come to them. He knew they were calling for him. He felt a sense of warmth that was entirely separate from the flames surrounding him. What was that feeling? He knew, whatever it was, he wanted it. And so, more sure of this than he ever had been about anything, he darted to the enormous hands.
As he drew closer, a blinding light emanated from the hands, engulfing him completely. He had to shut his eyes due to how bright it was. What was that he could hear? Singing? It sounded like a choir, the most beautiful choir he had ever heard. They sounded joyful in their resounding song. Perhaps they had been waiting for him all this time, waiting to welcome him to his new home.
He opened his eyes. The light still surrounded him, almost talking to him in a voice that he could hear aloud, and yet felt like a thought in his mind. It reassured him, comforted him. It wanted him to stay here.
This was where he wanted to be. It was his chance for a new life. It was the freedom he so desperately needed. And so, without looking back, he let the light consume him...mind, soul, body, and heart.
- Inspired by the art of Vance Harris
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Words
So today was the first night of ELPIS, Joey's young adult group. 'Twas a great night. The message was about finding rest in God, which is something we all need sometimes. But this blog post isn't about that message.
During worship, Joey brought up something that he did at a camp one time. The leaders asked for people to start calling out words that described God to them. He said that when one comes authentically it's like confession.
It caused me to think about what God's doing in my life. Two specific words came to mind: Protector and Guide. And I will try to define them how I saw them.
Protector
Every single day of my life is spent around the ways of the world. I work in a building which is almost entirely non-Christian save for me and Duck (as far as I know). The rest of the people there range from atheists to Wiccan to Christian Agnost (which is someone who believes there's a God but isn't willing to fully submit to Him). They swear, they talk about a bunch of weird things, they have beliefs and views that are opposite mine.
After work I go to school. I know nothing at all about the beliefs of my XHTML class, but my English class is a different story. Most, if not all, of them are non-Christian. Not only this, but they all have fairly...er...low views of Christianity for whatever reason.
However, despite that I am around these things, they haven't swept me away. I can only attribute this to God being there with me, protecting me from the demons.
Guide
Where do I start with this? Well, I can't exactly give all the details of this one at the moment. But let's just say that recent events have caused me to see the future differently, some in ways that I constantly wonder if I'm ready for. But perhaps, just perhaps God's up there saying, "Hey, it's time for you to go this way." Which, if so, is freakin' awesome. And it also means that He knows where I should be going and is pointing me in the right direction. If I listen to the Guide, I will find the pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow, which will be amazing.
Conclusion
These are things I already knew, but they aren't really things I knew. It was only as those words came that it really processed in my mind. And I thank God for putting them there. I thank Him for putting those words in my mind and on my heart. And I thank Him for being those things to me. Because I need them to successfully make it through this world.
During worship, Joey brought up something that he did at a camp one time. The leaders asked for people to start calling out words that described God to them. He said that when one comes authentically it's like confession.
It caused me to think about what God's doing in my life. Two specific words came to mind: Protector and Guide. And I will try to define them how I saw them.
Protector
Every single day of my life is spent around the ways of the world. I work in a building which is almost entirely non-Christian save for me and Duck (as far as I know). The rest of the people there range from atheists to Wiccan to Christian Agnost (which is someone who believes there's a God but isn't willing to fully submit to Him). They swear, they talk about a bunch of weird things, they have beliefs and views that are opposite mine.
After work I go to school. I know nothing at all about the beliefs of my XHTML class, but my English class is a different story. Most, if not all, of them are non-Christian. Not only this, but they all have fairly...er...low views of Christianity for whatever reason.
However, despite that I am around these things, they haven't swept me away. I can only attribute this to God being there with me, protecting me from the demons.
Guide
Where do I start with this? Well, I can't exactly give all the details of this one at the moment. But let's just say that recent events have caused me to see the future differently, some in ways that I constantly wonder if I'm ready for. But perhaps, just perhaps God's up there saying, "Hey, it's time for you to go this way." Which, if so, is freakin' awesome. And it also means that He knows where I should be going and is pointing me in the right direction. If I listen to the Guide, I will find the pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow, which will be amazing.
Conclusion
These are things I already knew, but they aren't really things I knew. It was only as those words came that it really processed in my mind. And I thank God for putting them there. I thank Him for putting those words in my mind and on my heart. And I thank Him for being those things to me. Because I need them to successfully make it through this world.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I Have
I have stood on the edge of canyons
Those incredible depths
The distance I was so close to falling into
I have looked upon the mountains
The obstacles I had to traverse
Dark forests and frigid snow
I have trekked across the deserts
Those unforgiving dunes
No destination in sight
I have walked through city streets
The hustle and bustle of everyday life
That conceal, yet reveal, a degrading world
I have been caught in gunfire
Bullet after deadly bullet
Threatening to pierce my soul
I have been hit with the knife
Stabbed in all my weakest points
The ways in which I am vulnerable
I have swam across the oceans
The waves battered my body
Yet could not break my spirit
I have stared down fear
And laughed in his face
For I am allied with the Victorious
I have seen light in darkness
It seemed so distant
Yet was always with me
I have seen the hands that heal
Walked into their light
Into Love's embrace
- A.R. Rodriguez, 5/08/2009
Those incredible depths
The distance I was so close to falling into
I have looked upon the mountains
The obstacles I had to traverse
Dark forests and frigid snow
I have trekked across the deserts
Those unforgiving dunes
No destination in sight
I have walked through city streets
The hustle and bustle of everyday life
That conceal, yet reveal, a degrading world
I have been caught in gunfire
Bullet after deadly bullet
Threatening to pierce my soul
I have been hit with the knife
Stabbed in all my weakest points
The ways in which I am vulnerable
I have swam across the oceans
The waves battered my body
Yet could not break my spirit
I have stared down fear
And laughed in his face
For I am allied with the Victorious
I have seen light in darkness
It seemed so distant
Yet was always with me
I have seen the hands that heal
Walked into their light
Into Love's embrace
- A.R. Rodriguez, 5/08/2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Leadership: My Thoughts
Shortly before Spring Quarter began at OC, I got a call from Joey. He had been praying a lot about a young adult group and told me that God had put me on his heart for a position of leadership. I, figuring that Joey would know what he's talking about and that one should answer when God calls, accepted.
Joey brought up the idea of a young adult group around Winter Quarter one night when we were hanging out at Ty's house. I was excited about it. Near the end of winter I wondered if it was still gonna happen, but Joey assured me it would.
After this phone call I started wondering to myself, "What does God want me to do?" I've been trying to think of the things I'm good at and seeing how they could help.
Music: Okay, I'm a fair musician. I can play guitar, bass, and piano and, according to some accounts, sing. Maybe worship leader? But I worry that I might focus too much on the music rather than just worshiping God, so I've decided to put that out of the question for now.
Drawing: I draw, too. I'd like to try painting sometime. But how on earth does that help with leadership?
Writing: I've been writing for a long time. Creative writing is my specialty. I like writing short stories, or at least thinking them up and trying to find time to write them. But again, how does that help in a position of leadership?
Those are probably my three main skills. They don't really account for character or personality traits. I can be patient and I'd like to consider myself a good listener. I'm not rude, or at least I try not to be. There are probably other things that can be said.
One interesting thing during my phone conversation with Joey is that he expressed interest in having an actual website rather than just a MySpace or a Facebook. I hadn't told him before but I told him then that I was going to be taking a Web Page Development class this quarter. So far I'm loving it. Maybe God's trying to say something there?
I also wondered if maybe God's intending for me to be led by Him by being in this position. I know being in a leadership position will require me to be more accountable. Hmm?
Just various thoughts of mine that I felt like sharing.
Joey brought up the idea of a young adult group around Winter Quarter one night when we were hanging out at Ty's house. I was excited about it. Near the end of winter I wondered if it was still gonna happen, but Joey assured me it would.
After this phone call I started wondering to myself, "What does God want me to do?" I've been trying to think of the things I'm good at and seeing how they could help.
Music: Okay, I'm a fair musician. I can play guitar, bass, and piano and, according to some accounts, sing. Maybe worship leader? But I worry that I might focus too much on the music rather than just worshiping God, so I've decided to put that out of the question for now.
Drawing: I draw, too. I'd like to try painting sometime. But how on earth does that help with leadership?
Writing: I've been writing for a long time. Creative writing is my specialty. I like writing short stories, or at least thinking them up and trying to find time to write them. But again, how does that help in a position of leadership?
Those are probably my three main skills. They don't really account for character or personality traits. I can be patient and I'd like to consider myself a good listener. I'm not rude, or at least I try not to be. There are probably other things that can be said.
One interesting thing during my phone conversation with Joey is that he expressed interest in having an actual website rather than just a MySpace or a Facebook. I hadn't told him before but I told him then that I was going to be taking a Web Page Development class this quarter. So far I'm loving it. Maybe God's trying to say something there?
I also wondered if maybe God's intending for me to be led by Him by being in this position. I know being in a leadership position will require me to be more accountable. Hmm?
Just various thoughts of mine that I felt like sharing.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Fellowship
So earlier tonight I met up with my Bible study group, Momentum Ministries, in the Student Center after my English class. We were talking about community, one of my personal favorite subjects to talk about since community is awesome. During the discussion, I was reminded of a few things I hadn't really thought of.
As we talked, I found times to express my thoughts. The question was, "What is required to build a good community?" After someone brought up that we should have the desire to help our brothers and sisters when we can, I spoke up with my thought.
I think the desire to help others is an awesome thing. I really do. But I also believe that, conversely, we should have a desire to be helped.
Don Miller put it really well in his book Blue Like Jazz.
He said that he used to pray a lot for his friends but never for himself because he felt that it was selfless. Unfortunately, I don't have my copy of the book with me (I think I lent it to my uncle) so I can't remember how, but Miller came to realize that such a thing wasn't selfless; it was prideful. He was basically going with the old "I can do it myself" mentality, but that's obviously not a good mentality to have.
In my opinion, the same thing applies to our circle of friends. It is so essential not to isolate ourselves in our own little world. God made us to be with people; it's all over the Bible.
Back during Winter Quarter of 2008, I remember hanging with Ty and Joey and various others after my classes. We'd usually go out to eat. One of our most frequent dining places was King's Wok Buffet in Silverdale. Those were some of the best times of winter. Before that there was the Winter Conference. Joey, Sedy, Andrew and I all shared a room and got to know each other a lot better through the nights we spent talking and praying about a bunch of things. It was awesome.
Coming back to the discussion, we continued talking about community and I, thinking about winter of 2008, brought up that community doesn't necessarily have to be Bible studies and prayer meetings. Not to say those aren't really great; they just aren't the only thing. I was just hanging out with my friends (who were all fellow believers) and I felt this strong sense of fellowship and genuine caring for one another. It's what I loved about winter.
Just to sort of add to that, the spring afterwards sucked. I was taking online classes and I was laid off from my job. So I didn't see a lot of my friends. Sometimes, but not much. I felt alone and it was kind of frightening really.
That's not to say that I can't handle myself alone. I do a lot of things by myself. After work I go to school and go to classes with a completely different group of people, most of whom I will probably never see outside that classroom. So, in essence, I'm still by myself.
But what was this realization I had? I mentioned being reminded of something involving community. Well, I realized during the discussion that I was being prideful. I was always there to help my friends when they needed it; Andrew asked me to be his prayer partner over the summer and I said "Absolutely;" Joey asked me to come to his house a couple weekends from now to help him and a group of other guys with manual labor work; other friends come to me with their problems. But rarely do I ever talk to them about my own issues. I act as if none of them would want to be bothered by my problems but I know that's not necessarily true.
It was just interesting. I love constant reminders of things I've learned. Goodness knows I need them as I'm obviously a forgetful person. It's easy to get distracted in this world. But I need to remember to be distracted by God and His ways.
That is all. Have a good night, everyone!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Funny How God Works Sometimes
So here I am, sitting at my computer reading my friends' blogs. I wanted to blog about something, but I didn't know what. What do I have to say that's good enough for a blog? Has anything interesting happened recently? But then I thought of something.
As you might know, I'm currently sick. I've got a cold and a come-and-go sinus headache that can go from either a minor annoyance to feeling like my head is splitting open. Not that great, eh? But this isn't the big part of my blog.
You see, earlier this month I found out that my workplace needed people to work overtime hours over Spring Break. There is one project that they want to get done by April, so it was approved that anyone working on that project can work overtime...as long as they're still on that project.
I had been on this project for a while this month. But then this past week I was put on other stuff. Stuff that wasn't so urgent. Stuff that wasn't approved for overtime. I started secretly thinking that maybe they didn't think I would be a help in reaching the deadline or something. Ridiculous, but it was going through my head. However, this was actually the brilliance of God working; I just didn't realize it at the time.
On Wednesday, I got sick. As I got out of bed my head started hurting like mad and I felt like I could hardly hold it up. So I called in sick and spent the day trying to recuperate. It sort of worked; I went into work the next morning. I seriously regretted it because I felt like crap all day , but I still did it. I was very careful not to infect anyone, though.
So Friday came and I still felt like crap. The boss had decided that Saturday and Sunday required eight mandatory hours from everyone working on this overtime project. I had previously been on the list to be there, too. But obviously, I didn't want to. So I asked my supervisor a question:
Now, I only just realized it, but I think God decided to have me put on other, not-overtime-approved projects because He knew I'd get sick and would need (or at least want) the weekend to recover. Funny how God works, huh?
Thank you, Lord.
As you might know, I'm currently sick. I've got a cold and a come-and-go sinus headache that can go from either a minor annoyance to feeling like my head is splitting open. Not that great, eh? But this isn't the big part of my blog.
You see, earlier this month I found out that my workplace needed people to work overtime hours over Spring Break. There is one project that they want to get done by April, so it was approved that anyone working on that project can work overtime...as long as they're still on that project.
I had been on this project for a while this month. But then this past week I was put on other stuff. Stuff that wasn't so urgent. Stuff that wasn't approved for overtime. I started secretly thinking that maybe they didn't think I would be a help in reaching the deadline or something. Ridiculous, but it was going through my head. However, this was actually the brilliance of God working; I just didn't realize it at the time.
On Wednesday, I got sick. As I got out of bed my head started hurting like mad and I felt like I could hardly hold it up. So I called in sick and spent the day trying to recuperate. It sort of worked; I went into work the next morning. I seriously regretted it because I felt like crap all day , but I still did it. I was very careful not to infect anyone, though.
So Friday came and I still felt like crap. The boss had decided that Saturday and Sunday required eight mandatory hours from everyone working on this overtime project. I had previously been on the list to be there, too. But obviously, I didn't want to. So I asked my supervisor a question:
I haven't been working on [insert project name here]. Am I still expected to be here tomorrow?He said I wasn't and to have a good weekend.
Now, I only just realized it, but I think God decided to have me put on other, not-overtime-approved projects because He knew I'd get sick and would need (or at least want) the weekend to recover. Funny how God works, huh?
Thank you, Lord.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
My Top Four Poems
Lake of Levande (A Pantoum)
From this mystical lake
I see a wondrous light
Shining from the water's wake
It's too far for my sight
I see a wondrous light
It fills the forest clearing
It's too far for my sight
Yet too quiet for my hearing
It fills the forest clearing
A noise all around
Yet too quiet for my hearing
'Tis a beautiful sound
A noise all around
I hear an angel choir
'Tis a beautiful sound
Bringing passion's fire
I hear an angel choir
Singing for Christ's sake
Bringing passion's fire
From this mystical lake
- 12/20/2008
When Heroes Become Villains
I knew a man at the doctor's place
He was there for a concussion
His doctor seemed a kindly guy
The man had a smile on his face
While we had a discussion
I saw a twinkle in his eye
He's no longer there
He was taken from this world
By the man who was entrusted with his care
I knew a girl from near my place
A sweet, five-year-old child
She lived with her single mother
She learned to tie her shoelace
She'd show me with a smile
With innocence like no other
But now she's a ghost
She was taken from this world
By the one who should have loved her the most
- 12/22/2008
Deceivers
Lord, today I ask, send the demons on their way
They're always out to get me
Trying to torment me
With the constant tempting fashion of the flesh
They're always trying really hard to send me down sin's way
Absolutely lying
Deceivingly denying
Their evils so that I will be enmeshed
But Lord, You have a path I choose to follow now today
For me You went and died
With You I am allied
The healing of Your light makes my slate fresh
- 12/23/2008
The Pointless Cliche Poem
To me it seems a little cliche
To write a poem 'bout the sun and a tree
That well overused rhyming pattern
Of a constant continuing A-B-C-B
But when you really want to write
You have this nagging, insatiable urge
To find something, anything, that gives you ideas
So the thought and the want can at last be purged
Trees are like giant people, you see
They live and they breath, just like us
They even have others who cut them down
Occasionally, they'll get hit by a bus
The sun shines so brightly over that hill
Peeking with caution at the small lives
It rises above us to light up the day
He wears sunglasses and helps us to thrive
Alas, you see, I've nothing to write
No inspiration of which to speak
But yet this urge, it rises in me
And so I write crap, man I'm a geek
But wait! It seems I forgot about love
That feeling that causes our hearts to pound
It shortens our breath and takes away reason
And when it is true, we leap and we bound
And so, I guess that's all I can say
The only things I can think of to write
With these final words I depart from this place
I'M GOING STIR CRAZY! And now, good night.
- 12/26/2008
From this mystical lake
I see a wondrous light
Shining from the water's wake
It's too far for my sight
I see a wondrous light
It fills the forest clearing
It's too far for my sight
Yet too quiet for my hearing
It fills the forest clearing
A noise all around
Yet too quiet for my hearing
'Tis a beautiful sound
A noise all around
I hear an angel choir
'Tis a beautiful sound
Bringing passion's fire
I hear an angel choir
Singing for Christ's sake
Bringing passion's fire
From this mystical lake
- 12/20/2008
When Heroes Become Villains
I knew a man at the doctor's place
He was there for a concussion
His doctor seemed a kindly guy
The man had a smile on his face
While we had a discussion
I saw a twinkle in his eye
He's no longer there
He was taken from this world
By the man who was entrusted with his care
I knew a girl from near my place
A sweet, five-year-old child
She lived with her single mother
She learned to tie her shoelace
She'd show me with a smile
With innocence like no other
But now she's a ghost
She was taken from this world
By the one who should have loved her the most
- 12/22/2008
Deceivers
Lord, today I ask, send the demons on their way
They're always out to get me
Trying to torment me
With the constant tempting fashion of the flesh
They're always trying really hard to send me down sin's way
Absolutely lying
Deceivingly denying
Their evils so that I will be enmeshed
But Lord, You have a path I choose to follow now today
For me You went and died
With You I am allied
The healing of Your light makes my slate fresh
- 12/23/2008
The Pointless Cliche Poem
To me it seems a little cliche
To write a poem 'bout the sun and a tree
That well overused rhyming pattern
Of a constant continuing A-B-C-B
But when you really want to write
You have this nagging, insatiable urge
To find something, anything, that gives you ideas
So the thought and the want can at last be purged
Trees are like giant people, you see
They live and they breath, just like us
They even have others who cut them down
Occasionally, they'll get hit by a bus
The sun shines so brightly over that hill
Peeking with caution at the small lives
It rises above us to light up the day
He wears sunglasses and helps us to thrive
Alas, you see, I've nothing to write
No inspiration of which to speak
But yet this urge, it rises in me
And so I write crap, man I'm a geek
But wait! It seems I forgot about love
That feeling that causes our hearts to pound
It shortens our breath and takes away reason
And when it is true, we leap and we bound
And so, I guess that's all I can say
The only things I can think of to write
With these final words I depart from this place
I'M GOING STIR CRAZY! And now, good night.
- 12/26/2008
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Foolishness and Unintelligence
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:Pastor Stan brought this passage up right in the beginning of the Sunday night service. Now, I don't know about you, but it makes me smile."I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.
- 1 Corinthians 1:18-30 NIV
In the first paragraph, we see Paul's sense of humor in a way; we're out preaching a foolish message. The eyes of the world see the fact that God created everything and that Jesus died and rose to save everyone as something utterly ridiculous. The intelligent will say, "That can't be right." Even Don Miller, a Christian author, says in his book Blue Like Jazz that, when he thinks about it, the whole "Jesus thing" sounds silly. But, as we all know, the wisdom of man can not be used to find God. One can only find God by being moved by the Spirit and accepting Jesus. Entire Trinity right there.
Next bit:
"The foolishness of God is wiser than a man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than a man's strength."
I know a lot of intelligent people. Some of them are humble. Some don't really care if people notice their smarts. Others, however, like to rub how smart and witty they are in people's faces. I can't stand those kinds of people, mainly because they make me feel stupid because I can't keep up with them. I know I'm not stupid, but I've never really been "smart" per se; like street or book smart, I guess. Well, I might be sort of book smart. You see, my talents lie in art, something that the intelligent are uninterested in because it's not always logical. So I'm viewed as a fool.
However, I have God. And God, even at His stupidest, is smarter than any man. He is also, at his weakest, stronger than any man. Amazing? I would never think of God as "foolish" or "weak," but it's only an expression after all that means that even the smallest bit of God's power and wisdom outmatches any weight lifter or Doctor of Science.
Now, I'm gonna point out the last paragraph. Read it. Read it again. And read it again. You know who that paragraph is talking about?
Me! I'm not influential in this world. I'm not born of noble birth. And I'm certainly not wise by human standards. And yet...what was that? God chose the foolish people - people like ME - to shame the wise? He chose the weak people - like ME - to shame the strong? And lastly, he chose the lowly? The despised? Those who are not? I am those people! He chose ME to do these things.
If you read my last post, you'll know I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Or even what I CAN do. You'll also know if you've read further back that I don't have the greatest self-esteem in the world. So, when this passage popped up that Sunday night...well, it was definitely God speaking to me.
"HEY, I CHOSE YOU. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THINGS SO MUCH."
Yeah. So that's something I wanted to share. An update, if you will.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Heartbeats
Update 11/12/2010: This post (obviously) no longer reflects my views. But I've decided to keep it as a record of my own personal road map.
So what's been slowly killing me this week?
*cough*
I mean, what's been on my mind lately? What is the concept that has been bugging me enough that I have to blog about it? Oh, right...relationships.
Hey! You might be groaning, but this isn't another rant. Okay, maybe it is. We'll see where it goes from here.
It was a while back, almost a year ago. I had taken a girl out to lunch, but I had no idea what I was doing the whole time. I was basically trying to improvise. Obviously, it didn't work out. But it was after that day that I realized that I had no idea what I'm doing when it comes to dating or relationships. Plus Joey, who at the time had just recently started a relationship with the girl who is now his fiancee, told me how after his last relationship had ended, he decided to wait to date again until he felt like God was leading him toward a girl. I took it to heart and decided I needed to wait. Not just for that, but also until I personally was ready.
So it's a year later. I have seen the good and the bad sides of love from observing my friends' forays. It makes me think a lot, really. What will happen when I'm faced with the bad?
I'll give you an example. I knew a couple before they broke up, both who were Christian. Each one consistently pushed the other to have...hmm, how do I put this...relations. Not necessarily sex, but pretty darn close. One would say, "Okay, we should stop." But sooner or later it would all loop around and the supposed stopping never happened. They finally ended...five months after breaking up. Oh man.
Now what would I do in this situation? I'd love to think I would remain strong. But I also know that I'm not always the role model for strength. Like I've said in the past, we never really know what we can take until we're in the heat of the moment. Sure, one can always say, "I'm done, I'm never going back." But it's when the devil comes back to tempt us that our resolve is tested. And a lot of the time...in fact ALL the time...the only way to win is to pray to God. He's the strong one.
It's temptations like that that make me wonder if I even want to go through the trouble. This is a question that's been on my mind for a long time: what's the point? I mean, when we die and go to heaven, marriage doesn't really mean anything, does it? But Biblically, love and marriage are what God intended for us. He made woman because man was lonely, right? And Paul once said:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9)
Paul was celibate. Meaning he wasn't tempted by the flesh. So not being married was easy for him. Not so much for the majority of the human population.
Along with this, I've been thinking about relationships in general. Hmmm. Would I be a good boyfriend? What about me would make some girl like me? Girls HAVE liked me in the past for whatever reason, this much I know. But why? I doubt it's the guitar playing; I'm no Alex Lifeson.
A lot of girls I know who are in relationships with guys go on and on about how their guy is "the best guy ever" or "so perfect in every way." I don't think I could take that kind of pressure. Not only that, I also have a hard time imagining some girl saying that about me. I screw up at things. Like, a lot.
Yes, I have self-confidence issues. That's another one of my problems.
Here's a question for you: is it bad that I can think of reasons why NOT to date pretty much every girl I'm even remotely close with? Obviously I'm not gonna list the girls or the reasons. But I don't know if they are valid reasons or if I'm just making up excuses.
And since I love random side notes, I'll give you random side notes: dreams. Lately I've been having various dreams involving girls. These could just be some kind of buried desires that I don't even know about to meet a girl playing with my mind, but it's happening so often lately that I'm left to wonder why.
Okay, first dream. This one I had a few weeks ago I think. I was at a water park. There was a rocket that people could ride. It would launch them into the sky. Now, a police officer came in all cocky and said it was illegal and dangerous. I tapped him on the arm and told him that I had made schematics for it at work. For whatever reason, he said I assaulted him and so I was arrested. I ended up handcuffed to a park bench outside the police station (weird, right?). So this one girl I know walks out of the station, having apparently snuck food out of it. She sat next to me and gave it to me. The whole time she seemed nervous. I think we almost kissed, but I can't really remember. Bare in mind that said girl is someone I don't even like. I hardly talk to her or even see her. Weird.
Then a couple nights ago I had a dream in which I was getting married to another girl who I'm not interested in. Oddly enough I was also the minister. I distinctly remember holding up a sign that said, "You may now kiss the bride," as I kissed the bride. Could you imagine being the minister at your own wedding?
Lastly, for whatever reason I walked into a classroom shirtless. I sat at my table and ANOTHER girl (who I'm also not interested in) said to me I should go tanning so I would look really good or something. It wasn't in a mean way (or at least I didn't perceive it that way). But this dream was just odd because I also remember Duck being there and a whole bunch of us starting to dance for some reason.
What's seriously weird about all of this put together is that I don't even LIKE anyone at the moment. At least as far as I can tell I don't.
So yes, I believe I have droned on long enough about this. So is this God saying, "Hey, it's about time for you to get out there," or is it my mind playing tricks on me?
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